Eight (Love by Numbers #6) by E.S. Carter
I'm sorry for your loss.
Why do people say that?
When someone you love is taken from you, when a part of you dies along with them, you haven't lost them like you would your car keys or mobile phone. They aren't stuck down the side of the sofa or left in the ignition of your car for you to find later. You haven't absentmindedly put them somewhere and forgotten. You will never lose them because they live in you.
The soul crushing hurt that burns your lungs with every breath you take comes from knowing where they are and not being with them.
The ugly and real definition of grief is being left behind.
I'm sorry they left you.
I'm sorry you are alone.
I'm sorry it hurts to breathe.
Loss; it doesn't even compare.
She was my first love.
She is my last love.
I am an empty husk who pretends to be filled with enough love for those of us she left behind.
Our little girl and newborn son need me.
I am both mother and father now.
I am hollow and empty.
I am a shell.
So why does the girl with the face of an angel and eyes that mirror my emptiness, look at me like I'm her everything?
Grief, noun, deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone's death.
If you read One, you witnessed Josh Fox lose his beloved wife during childbirth. We only had a small portion of his story, but in Eight, we get it all. His pain, anguish, devastation, guilt, and that all-consuming loss only mourning a loved one brings.
One thing nobody warns you about when someone
you love dies is that you see them everywhere; even
when you aren’t looking for them or even thinking
about them. You can be mindlessly carrying on
with your day, putting one foot in front of the
other, taking one breath at a time, and you’ll
spot someone in a crowd, and everything will
freeze. Time, your breath, your heart. It all
just stops dead.
Fuck. This book hurt. There were times I felt it was difficult to breathe. My heart broke for Josh and his children. Witnessing his life shatter and then his struggle in coming to terms with the fact that he is no longer just a father, but a mother too, was unbearable.
However, Eight is not only about grief. It is about learning to live life after loss. It is raw, intense and at times truly painful. A part of me sees a beauty in the pain. E.S. Carter’s words will cause your heart to break, yet as you are reading, those words somehow hold a power to make you whole again.
E.S. Carter paints a picture with her words that you not only see, but feel. It's poetry. I cannot comprehend the talent it takes to make a person feel as deeply as I did while reading Eight. But she did it. I felt all the feelings.
Her words are brilliant and I cannot get enough of her stories. She truly is an epic wordsmith.
Eight can be read as a standalone. However, I highly recommend you pick up the entire series. After meeting the Fox Family, I am desperate to know them all.